last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
