left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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