having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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