just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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