i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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