the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
