well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
