I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
