Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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