i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
