OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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