Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
