You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
