There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
