i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
