just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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