I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You're like the curious george of whores
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
