Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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