Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
