ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
