I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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