wrigley field is MILF paradise
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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