Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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