Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
