Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
