if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
