But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
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