Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
