it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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