I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
