I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
