So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
