Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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