Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
