Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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