I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
