There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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