I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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