Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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