these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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