whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
