tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
