Sry I called you an 8
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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