you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
