have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
