May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
