I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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