Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
