I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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