So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
